Courage

The Honorable Gilbert P. Self, Circuit Court Judge spoke to our forum class this week about courage: the courage to do the right thing and pursue our goals. I'm not one for motivational speaking, but coming from a man who deals with the scum of the earth, I feel like he would know all about courage. One part I found interesting was his view of capital punishment. I grew up believing that "an eye for an eye" was justice, but Judge Self pointed out how much more miserable it would be to spend a lifetime in prison. It's a morbid issue, but it's interesting to consider. However, I don't think the death penalty was the issue he wanted us to think about. Courage is something everyone needs, especially college students who have no idea where they are going. It's a big investment with no guarantee for success. A recipe for either disaster or prosperity. That is why courage is important, and I don't have any at all. I stay shut in my apartment between classes, I may speak to a handful or people throughout the day, and I have no idea what I'm even doing here half the time. I'm glad to say that walking the campus with a cool breeze in my face helps lift my spirits and gives me energy. The chill gives me a positive vibe, and I can't help but feel brave, even peaceful. As for the courage to avoid drugs and such, well, that's not courage. It's intelligence. I believe Judge Self was wrong about that part. Maybe intelligence requires courage, I don't know. All I know is I am starving and I'm going to get food. Peace.

College and Career

Last week, our class heard a lecture on STEM majors: science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. Apparently there is a high demand in America for people pursuing those careers and not enough people to fill the jobs. This was very interesting to me because my original major of choice was environmental science before I went to orientation and changed it to..communications? I don't even know what my major currently is. However, I will definitely reconsider environmental science. If I can make 60k a year right out of college with a Bachelor's degree, I'm going for it!

I spent the past weekend at home with my parents and high school friends, whom I miss terribly. I went to the annual band exhibition and saw my old high school marching band's show, and I hugged everyone. I keep wanting to schedule visits and invite my friends up here to spend a few nights. Thankfully I'm getting used to being up here, though, and it doesn't feel so bad to leave home after my visits. People keep telling me I'll love college, and I hope I eventually will. Maybe once the weather gets cold and stays cold, I'll be less irritable. Cold weather always lifts my spirits. Crossing my fingers..

Values

Last week in class, we were presented with a list of suggested values by which one may live. We were instructed to select about ten or so of these values that are most important to us. We then got in eight groups to review our choices and narrow the list down to no more than seven values to present to the class. While most of the groups followed directions literally, one group came out with a single value that they believed to be the most important: love. While most of us took it as a joke, I'm sure, I left the class with that idea on my mind. Everyone loves something, so love does exist for everyone. So is love truly "all you need"? If the Beatles said it, I am automatically inclined to take it under consideration (probably not the best way to think about things, otherwise I'll be wanting to buy the first submarine I come across, paint it yellow, and move right in). Anyways, I began to think about all the people in my life and everything I do, and of course my reason for said things. Why does anyone do anything? They have a goal, a dream. And they have these goals and dreams because they love whatever those goals center around. Maybe they love money, which would affect all of their values. They may value creativity and hard work over friendships and honesty. I love my family and my few close friends, who love me in return, therefore I value love itself and honesty. I love animals, therefore my goals center around helping animals and the environment. Maybe that goofy group in class is on to something. Maybe all you need IS love to be happy. It just depends on what you love: money, power, family, etc, that will determine your other values in life.

Transition

So how am I a "not-so-typical college student"? Well, first of all, I am more unhappy here at UNA than I was in high school. Don't get me wrong, I despised high school. But I'm miserable being away from home. I think being in the Honors program at UNA helps, though. I see a lot of the same faces in several classes, and the classes are small. But the pressure gets to me, though, and my anxiety kicks in, my stress level skyrockets, and the next thing I know, I'm on various nausea, gastric, and anxiety medications. Pretty rough introduction of myself, I apologize. I'm not a complete coward, I assure you. I WANT to fit in here. I want to be outgoing and independent. Recently the Honors program took a trip to Memphis, where I met new people and got to know them better. I made several friends, which helped coax me out of my shell, and I found myself laughing and enjoying the whole thing. Yes, even the art museum.. I think walking the city was my favorite part, even more so than the zoo, because it was a new experience. The lights, the people, the buildings, it was all totally alien to me. Then, looking out across the river at the sunset, I felt like I would be okay. So we got on a trolley and rode the city at night. I decided to give college a chance and not quit before it even began. I think if I hadn't gone to Memphis, I wouldn't still be at UNA. I would've bailed. I would be at home now, and probably going to the local community college with my old schoolmates. I'm still not certain about my future, whether I will stay at UNA or what I even want to major in, but for now, I'm not going to give up so easily.